So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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