We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
