Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
