he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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