Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
FUCK WHALES
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
