the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
