How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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