Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
