I'm going to jail i love you
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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