God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
