i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
