I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize