i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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