Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
