Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
