wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Help. Why am I so naked?
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