He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
