his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
