remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
