the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize