Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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