He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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