I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
