i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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