listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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