Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
