I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
