is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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