I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
