WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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