How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
