There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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