Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
