I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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