He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
