So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
