I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
