So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
