I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
