woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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