Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
