I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
