i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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