capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
