Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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