I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
