I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
