Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
