I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
