my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
