Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
