With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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