Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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