drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
