when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do herpes really smell.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
