Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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