And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
