I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
