ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
