He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
