His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
