I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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