My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
