ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
