Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
