Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
