I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You were trust falling into bushes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
