it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
