Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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