I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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